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We've been friends for over two decades, who has faced and conquered many challenges, which I admire. However, she's repeatedly caught off guard by people. Her partner left her, which came as a huge shock. A lot of close acquaintances vanished at that point, since they had been focused solely on her husband. This surprised her deeply. She made greater energy to be my friend, and must have realised more acutely the essence of true friendship.

A Recurring Theme of Disappearance

In the time since, quite a few in her circle vanished without her being knowing the cause. Her previous job became hostile, even though she had been highly competent, and she left without knowing the reason for the change.

How Things Stand Now

In recent times, we've both stepped back from work so we're spending time together, yet I realize my position between us is to listen. I open subjects but she shifts conversation onto her own topics. In terms of politics, she expresses unyielding views. I try to propose verifying facts and different perspectives.

She's been arranging a trip to a country I know well on several occasions and resided in for a while. I attempted to share insights, yet it was met with resistance. She purely only wanted me to confirm her plans. I recently returned from four weeks there she hopes to catch up, however, I hesitate.

Weighing the Options

I am unwilling in this role that walks away abruptly, but I don't think she'll truly comprehend the consequences of her actions on how I feel about myself. Right now, I find myself in pulling back. What's the best step?

Possible Paths

One option is to end things abruptly, but it is seldom a smooth outcome we imagine. Yet having a direct talk aiming for a solution demands strength and readiness for each of you.

Therapists recommend trying a useful conflict resolution tool:

"Initially requires explaining how things go in your conversations. This needs to be as factual as possible like what a recording device would replay. Next is to tell the way it affects you emotionally. Ideally, there's no argument about this. What you feel are valid, naturally. The third step involves requesting how you are both going to change the dynamics of your friendship."

Consider that she also holds perspectives, so you need to stay open to listen to her. One effective method involves stating your friend:

"It's your turn to speak and I'm going to remain silent for half an hour."

It's remarkably impactful in fostering mutual respect.

Closing Considerations

Your friend may dismiss all you say, since certain individuals cling to a “survival narrative”: they have a narrative about themselves they're unable to release since their identity is tied to it and it's all they've known. This poses a challenge as there is no clear path in such cases, just dead ends. However, she might start out defensively and then think your perspective. And should you never reach an agreement, it provides closure from having been open and direct.